uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize