i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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