She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
