why didn't you poke me back
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
