Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
