I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
