I bet he comes in French.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
