ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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