Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
