I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
