my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
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