forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
