This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
