youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize