I met the friendliest cop last night
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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