i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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