dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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