Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
4 words: hood of his car
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
