god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
