.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
