O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i came on her dog
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
