I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
