gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
