she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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