just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
