and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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