Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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