Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize