Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
