We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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