We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
