my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
