Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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