It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
