We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
