I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
