Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
