i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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