She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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