You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
