Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
