True but thats because hes a fetus.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Bring me that man meat
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize