you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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