Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
