i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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