I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
