Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize