At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
