nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
