her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I understand Curling. That high.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
