moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
