dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
