So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
