come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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