if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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