Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
