put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize