First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize