"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize