i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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