YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
