you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
porn star boner night. come get it.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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