wrigley field is MILF paradise
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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