Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
