Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
