apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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