I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
