i was born a porn star she said
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
