So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Randomize
