Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Randomize
