I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
