i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
