my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
