as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
