It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
