I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
