Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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