How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
