We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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