8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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