in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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