I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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