actually, I'm a sock model
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
