I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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