I got chris browned last night
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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