Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
someone owes me an orgasm
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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