How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
