Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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