Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
