Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Randomize