My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
