is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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