who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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