I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize