so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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