my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
i think i just lost a toe
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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