I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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