I accidentally burped into my bong.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
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