so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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