i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize