A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
dude. I can hear the air.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
