her vagine was all disorganized.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
