absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
