Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
