I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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